Background Noise

How do I start to explain us? How much do I say? How much is so much it just becomes a pile of excuses?

I am Hope. I used to live in a family. Now my family has grown away from me. I live alone. I live in a room, in a house and it is enough for me. I prefer it this way. As I have grown older, I have become reclusive. If I didn't have to work, most of the time I would stay in my room.

A long time ago, when I was very young I listened to what others expected of me and didn't follow my heart. I was told that I needed to go to a certain religious college and meet someone to marry.  So I married The Grump. At the time he wasn't so grumpy. He just held everything in. He refused to give me the things that I needed emotionally. He criticized and complained about everything I did. He didn't like that I sewed, or that I painted. He didn't like that I arranged to have my day off on Thursday so I could take the children to the free day at the zoo and the children's museum. He didn't like that I took them to the library on Saturdays. He complained that I didn't make enough money, but he also complained about me spending money to go to nursing school. He would have been really difficult to live with, but he wasn't there most of the time. Eventually, he just quit coming home altogether.

Almost a year after I married The Grump, I gave birth to The Medic. If I could have gotten away with calling him Lionheart, I would have. In my mind, that is what he is. He is confident, with almost a twinge of arrogance. He trusts his instincts and most of the time they are right. He forges his own path and makes his own way. But when things go south, he has been known to reach out to me for strength. He can be sweet and funny, but sometimes his arrogance catches up and he can be harsh, and almost cruel.He loves to read. He loves journaling. He loves the outdoors. But most of all he loves his son. He is one of the best fathers that I have ever know.  That is amazing considering that he, for the most part, didn't have one.

Four years after The Medic was born, I gave birth to my second  son, The Warrior. The medic was born weeks too early and took his very first helicopter ride just hours after he was born. He struggled through the first two years of his life. But he was a calm child, introverted and could easily keep himself amused. He is loyal to a point but has a very strong internal sense of right and wrong. He will let you know if he feels that you have crossed a line. He was in high school on September 11, 2001. When I came home, he told me that when he graduated he was going to join the army. He had been to the recruitment office after school and had already signed up for deferred enlistment. In October of 2002, he went to basic training. The following March he invaded Iraq with the 101st Airborne.

Just short of 13 years after The Medic was born, I gave birth to The Waif. She sparkles. She is one of those people who walk into a room and it lights up. People are attracted to her and she is exorbitantly inclusive of them. If she sees someone eating alone, she invites them to her table. She is highly intelligent and highly creative and theatrical at the same time. But she can be self-critical and sensitive to the criticisms of others. She is prone to deep depressions and anxiety. Like her brothers, she is amazingly loyal. Most of the friends that she has had, she keeps for life.

The Summer after the Warrior returned from his first tour in Iraq, he married a friend from high school. Thus, The Lost Child came into our lives. He married her almost on a whim, but they have stayed together through a stress-filled twelve years. She was one of those children that I have named Button Children, as in "button, button, who's got the button." She and her sister were passed off between her mother and father and various relatives the entirety of her childhood. That kind of childhood doesn't lead to emotional security or development. And The Lost Child also suffers from bi-polar depression.

A year after The Warrior and The Lost Child were married, they welcomed The Boss into our family. He has his father's sense of humor and loyalty and overdeveloped sense of right and wrong. But he falls on the autism spectrum and we believe that he may be showing signs of also having bi-polar depression.

His life has not been lived in Leave-it-to-Beaver land. When he was seven he was removed from his home due to his mother's depression during one of The Warriors deployment. He spent two years in foster care before the state of Massachusetts was sued into releasing  him and his brother to the care of the family.

All of this turmoil has led to problems with emotional development and trust issues. But he is in good and loving hands now and getting the care that he needs.

Two years after The Boss entered our family, The Medic renewed a relationship with a girlfriend from his college years. They were married within a year. The princess is strong-willed to match her husband. She knows what she wants and she does not compromise to get it. She has a high paying job, that allows her to travel to exotic places, which she loves. She teaches belly dancing and writes novels as hobbies.

A few short months after The Medic married The Princess, they brought The Red-Headed Wonder into the family.

Red is an amazing kid. He is what we call scary genius. He taught himself to read and do basic arithmetic at an extremely early age. We discovered this when his mother was putting cookies on a plate to serve children visiting at his home. She had put 4 cookies on the plate, and Red told her that she needed 2 more. The Princess and I looked at each other in astonishment. We couldn't figured out how 2 year old Red knew that there were six children who needed cookies and that 4+2=6. He surprised us the same way with his reading skills. He's a very pragmatic child, and takes on self responsibility without being instructed that he should. Recently, he and the Medic returned home after the Medic's shift and his after school program. The Medic went to take a shower. When the Medic came into the kitchen Red had already put chicken and vegetables into a pan and topped it with garlic cloves and rosemary sprigs to bake for dinner. He was washing Swiss chard in the sink and asked the Medic to chop the onion to saute with the chard. The Medic was blown away. Red is only 8 years old. The Medic had planned to have a pizza delivered.  I should mention that Red is a Hemophiliac. He is often placed into situations that other children has age don't have to deal with. This has helped mature his emotional responses.

A year after Red was born, The Lost Child gave birth to Smiles during one of the Warriors deployment. Smiles was 7 months old before The Warrior was able to hold him. I could tell when Smiles was a few months old that he is also autistic, maybe a bit more heavily involved than his brother. Smiles does not make eye contact with people. He didn't speak until he was almost 6 years old.  But at the same time he has a sharp intellect and sense of right and wrong. His response to injustice is exaggerated. And he shows a lot of empathy for people he sees as being sick or injured. With a lot of therapy, recently he has begun to play with others rather than just around others. While he and his brother, The Boss, are autistic, they are extremely high functioning.

With-in a month of starting at the university, The Waif started to date the Arian. He is a very nice young man who was raised with manners. His family history is very similar to The Waif's. They understand a lot of what the other has gone through. They have dated for six years now and I do expect that they will eventually get married and start a family. The are both young enough still to be too young to be taking that step.

The Arian is a very talented photo-journalist, and has worked on a few notable documentaries and television shows. He's in the union now and seems to be able to find a fairly reliable stream of work in that industry.

That would be the my family if the state of Massachusetts had not taken The Boss and Smiles out of their home when The Lost Child was seriously depressed and The Warrior was deployed. They kept the boys for 2 years in foster care until Pop Pop and Bebe successfully sued them to release them to family.
Pop Pop is The Lost Child's father and Bebe is his new wife. They have been a true blessing to the boys. Bebe has been able to get them all the therapy that The Lost Child fought for and failed to get them under the military health care system, Tri-Care. It's not just the veterans getting screwed under the system, it's their families too.

This is us. Along with a few fur family members and a steady stream of friends, this is what  this blog is about.